10 Lessons Learned In A Decade
/Ten years ago today I graduated from SUNY Geneseo and - two hours later - hopped in a car with my mother to drive 20 hours to Granbury, TX for my first professional theatre gig at Texas Family Musicals.
And with that, I embarked upon the journey that has been my post-college adult life.
To say that a lot has happened in the past decade is an almost criminal understatement: I’ve lived in three states, made a home in NYC, made and lost friends (made far more though!), had people come in and out of my life, found my artistic home, grew as a teacher, writer, actor, singer, pianist, arranger, and overall human being, and oh so much more.
As much as people like to call our high school and college years our “formative” years, I think it’s in the decade after the college experience (or your twenties into the start of the thirties, for those who did not attend college) in which we truly discover who we are, what we want, and where we want to go.
So, in honor of this milestone, I would like to share just 10 of the lessons I’ve learned over this decade.
Baby’s first headshot
1. People Change
People love to throw around old adages about how “no one ever really changes” or “once a ___ always a ___,” and I’ll admit that these ideas sometimes have merit.
But, are any of us the same people we were ten years ago?
Not at all.
(I mean, even on a cellular level we’re not the same people.)
I have watched as the people around me have grown and changed throughout the past ten years and - for most everyone who is still in my life in some way - I am simply proud. Looking around and seeing how the people I love and admire have struggled to continue growing, learning, improving, failing and trying again, moving in new directions, and taking on new challenges - it makes my heart swell and renews my faith in humanity.
Of course there are always those who change in a way that takes them out of your life, and that’s okay too. We’re all on our own journey.
But people really do change, and I think it’s generally for the better.
2. Self-Care Is Not Optional
We all go through phases of good and bad self-care.
And we have all gone through that period of youth where we abuse our bodies and minds for a full weekend and then still somehow get up at 7am on a Monday and deliver great work.
But that’s not the norm for the majority of our lives. We need self-care.
What does that include?
Drink water
Get yourself some proper nutrition
Move - exercise, walk, hike, anything to keep moving
Treat yourself
Find a good morning routine
Forgive yourself
Be kind to everyone
Find the joy whenever you can
That would be my short list, but an important one nonetheless.
3. Hangovers After 28 Are Terrible
Truly.
Avoid them at all costs.
4. The People Are Your Future
We are taught to think about our futures as something that is “ours.” It’s a personal journey.
And we’re also taught to think about the people around us only in terms of the “now.”
But one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that the people around you in your now - no matter how long they do or do not remain in your life - are going to be a part of your future. And often, it’s an important part.
I’ve met some of my favorite people in the world over the past ten years, and many of them I met in situations where I was not actively looking for my heart to connect to another human, and yet it still did.
Here are just a few of those situations:
A small bar-gathering (that I did not want to go to) of my friend’s friends from a summer stock gig that I was not a part of - I met three wonderful friends and two future roommates that day.
Casting a Rochester Fringe production of my first original musical, PICk Love - Not only did I meet several brilliant friends from this, but it opened the door to my eventual BVT family.
Being asked to drive two co-teachers (who I didn’t work with) back to Queens from the studio during my second year - This is how I met one of my greatest friends and collaborators.
Getting changed for my bartending shift and (half-dressed) being asked to come meet the manager from one of our other theaters - An instant lifelong friend.
Attending the BMI Workshop as an auditor and eventual student - Two entire groups of my favorite people came from that one decision.
Keep your heart open - you never know who you may meet.
5. Unchecked Capitalism Is The Worst
Being a product of the Millenial experience, this is undeniable.
But looking back across the past ten years, it’s clear that every part of the financial and “adult” struggles have been due to a capitalist system that has been slowly stripped of its checks and balances.
And this is from a middle-class, cis, white guy.
6. Fall In Love As Often As Possible
I don’t necessarily mean romantic love - I mean, you do you - but all kinds of love.
Fall in love with work, with friends, with family, with yourself, with books, with stories, with art, with connections, with nature, with places, with movement, with travel, with anything that strikes your fancy.
If love isn’t the answer, then what’s it all for?
7. You Never Really Know Who You’re With
Too often we don’t pay enough attention to who is around us.
This can be in a super temporary sense:
Like the time I was standing next to Mark Ruffalo on a packed 7 train where no one seemed to notice him except me. He gave me that look of “oh you see me, please don’t make a fuss.” And no one else noticed, even when he squeezed his way off the train. Cell phones, y’all.
Or it can be simply treating people as though they are temporary. What happens when you lose track of people from your life?
I mean, I’ll say it, I’ve worked with and known some amazing people who I haven’t been able (for whatever reason) to stay in touch with, and who are now doing incredible things.
A couple examples:
I worked with David Hein and Irene Sankoff for a few months 10 years ago on a musical they wrote, just before they started writing Come From Away.
My roommate from that first gig I did in Texas - Bradley Gibson - has been playing Simba in The Lion King on Broadway the past two years. Casual.
Right after their summer having Dogfight Off-Broadway, I was the personal assistant to Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, right as they were beginning to work on their next three gigantic projects (yeah, those ones).
At the time, these were just people who I thought were talented and cool. You really never know where people are going to go next.
8. Do What You Love
I don’t necessarily mean that in the way of “make sure you love your job.”
But instead, take note of the things you love to do and incorporate them into your life regularly.
If it happens to also be your job - awesome, that’s great. If not, that’s okay too.
As long as you can take part in something that you love in order to help balance your life, the weight of the heavy stuff won’t feel quite as burdensome.
9. Vote And Promote
Change is slow, but it’s impossible without a vote.
And once you have this realization for yourself, I firmly believe it is up to you to help spread that message to everyone you can.
We have been allowed to raise our voices, but that right can also be taken away if we are not vigilant.
As my father likes to say, “Vote early, vote often.”
10. Your Story Is Far From Over
We don’t know what the future holds. I mean, we didn’t know what the past ten years would be as we were living them.
And milestones can be useful ways to look forward or backwards, or to set and evaluate goals.
But at the heart of it - if you are sitting here reading this - your story is not over.
Keep writing it, keep living it. All heroes have goals, suffer trials, experience new worlds, and have their lives turned upside down. And once a journey has ended, that ending is really just another beginning.
So, where to next?
Thank You
For everyone who has been a part of my past ten years, in any way, I just want to say thank you.
You have all helped shape me into the person I am today.
Stay healthy, stay well, stay home. Cheers!
